your touch and kisses filling me with joy
a place to retreat into your tenderness
longing, need, a pleading kind of joy that saturated me with love
you pointing at this and that, the water, the sky, the dead fish on the shore
the times when your light shined so brightly even you could see it!
a time when you allowed my love to come in and touch you
it is you…
choosing to keep it, choosing to let it go only for a time
a mantle, a cloak, a choice to embrace.
remain lost in the nether world where reality is the shadow and your soul becomes solid
you choose to wear your pain and your darkness like a fine Sunday suit.
imagine the path, littered in part
with light and dark and tremendous vines
crushed and scattered, I could find no line
swift and sure, the strike did find
a way to break that timid connection, leaving behind
the body without a care, I dare
it is not what was sought, on the path, in this land
so strolling along, looking again
to find my heart, to hold his hand~
quick before I go! I must know!
longing to share sunrises, sunsets, nights of passion
knowing the march to the end would come,
but too soon it is time to kiss the evening’s shadow
watch the tide recede, the ship sail to far shores
a mirage and a dream
angry at the injustice that is not
you in the middle, me at the end.
time betrays us, love wanting to be consumated,
the passing into tomorrows, leaving only memories
of what might have been
3/17/06, revised 8/21/08
On Love and Spiritual Journeys
I will attempt to explain my views on love and spiritual journeys in an informal and loosely connected manner, for the words for explanation are not easily found. Perhaps the best place to start is with Love. Love has many meanings for us all. I love you. Most understand loving someone and not being in love. So, let us start there. Since we usually speak best from our own experiences, then this is where I will start. Loving “people” is not really an easy thing to do. John Lennon said, “Humanity I love, It is people I can’t stand. This is the trap of most humans… they cannot get past people. It was where I started, where many started. People. They just tend to piss us off. Ignorance and judgments, slothfulness and apathy, discontent with themselves, they always seem to be talking about the shortcomings of others. Most get trapped in this spiral and rarely seek a remedy, as a problem is not recognized.
“Great Minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, small minds talk about people.” Herman Rickover 1959
I am no different than the masses. People just pissed me off. Hell, I pissed myself off… and then things changed. Self-examination ultimately led to the examination of others–not for the purpose of judging or condemning, but for understanding. Thru understanding, love was born for others. Jesus once said if we could but learn to understand our fellow beings, we could come to love them. I wanted this understanding, wanted to love my fellow man, but being young, inexperienced and naïve, I had no idea of the journey on which I had embarked. Have you ever heard of “magical thinking?” It fits here. That wishing and wanting for some things to be a certain way and believing that simply because of the wish and want, that thing will be that way. It is not. None the less, with practice and ever seeking for deeper levels of understanding, I have been able to find love in my heart for many. Humanity, as a whole, is still easier to love, but more and more people can now be embraced in love. Being open to this love allows connections to be made. Some connections are transient and last only for the moments of immediate encounters, some last a bit longer, lingering into the passing moments and future moments. Other connections–for whatever reason–seem to “stick” to varying degrees and with varied ramifications. This includes a “sense” of the person to whom I become connected, and is true for others who ‘connect.’ How is a connection formed that is more concrete than those fleeting connections of the moment? All I know of this is that energy is involved in all connections. Some of the waves of energy are like thin tendrils that float into others, some waves have more substance. The greater the substance, the greater the connection. And… Sometimes the connection literally vibrates with energy exchanged…
With some… I open my energy towards them and they are receptive. The energy has substance and the connection is felt. With communication and words written, a bond begins to form in the substance of the energy… there is honesty, genuineness… two people being real across time and space. With any “real” relationship, it is quite easy to love the person. Some are easy to love, they are real, genuine, honest, and as open as is needed for two distant souls to find love in one another. It is a “human” love… the love of one human for another, borne of the qualities which make a relationship meaningful and real. It is a “spiritual” love that transcends human qualities. If you think about it, it really is not so strange. All of us exist in this world, linked thru a greater being. Friends, lovers, brothers, sisters, fellow travelers on this planet. I tend to see the best in people as I look for the best. These are things we can see in other people, only most of the time we do not go beyond our private space and time to allow ourselves to feel others in a deep and meaningful manner. We look only at the surface of another and if that surface does not reflect what we wish to see, we move on. If we take the time to see and feel a bit deeper, connections get made with people. Sometimes the opportunity to make these connections is missed. With some, it is not missed. The dance begins in one way, and IF a person is open to the changing nature of a dance, the connection remains and will last. You can chose to let it go when the tempo changes. A choice to let the dance continue speaks volumes for one’s depth and character. There is much of many (looks at ***) that is not revealed easily. The river of his being runs deeper than even those closest to him are awares… in fact, in it’s depths, he even hides from himself some times. Links, connections… can bring different dimensions to our lives; dimensions that can expand us spiritually and assist us in being more real, more genuine. Real love carries the purity of love inherent with respect, care, and concern for a fellow traveler here on planet earth. No judgments, no criticisms, no conditions–just the care of one another, devoid of trappings in the human tendency to exploit another for self. Connections at a “distance” can be invaluable in the sense that they are ‘safe’ connections in the absence of physical proximity there is little risk of rejection for physical reasons and the essence of a relationship can be come more real than with those who sit next to us in time and space.
Most want to love and be loved…unconditionally and it is a journey that carries many risks. The deepest fear of most is: “if you really knew me, you would not love me.” So, the journey of love begins with love and acceptance of one’s self… and how do you love yourself when terrible/horrible/awful things have happened TO you… or… you have done terrible/horrible awful things here on earth? I have not the answer, for there is no single answer, and it CAN be done. What has ‘happened’ to us is not who we are… what we have ‘done’ is not who we are. All things are nothing more, nothing less than part of the threads that make up who we can ‘be’. Choices…it is about choices… Personally, I “choose” to use all experiences to enrich who I am at this moment, and further to turn both the things that have happened to me and the things that I have done…turn them into experiences that help me be a better being TODAY.
On Spiritual Journeys
It has been said that we needs be careful of our desires… desire with love will bear fruit, desire with passion will bear fruit, desire with our deepest longings will bear fruit… If we are unawares of our desires… how can we be aware of the direction our desires take us? How can we know when the object of our desires is at hand, that a door has opened giving forth the opportunity? How can we know that fulfillment is within reach?
There can be no journey–either spiritual or otherwise without awareness. Without awareness, life becomes a series of events–disconnected, disjointed, chaotic, and usually meaningless. One day into another with no understanding of how who we are today is the totality of all our thoughts, experiences, and actions to this point. Rather than an endless connected journey towards the Christ (perfection), it is often a constant and frustrating battle to get past obstacles that block a current wish, meaningless attainment of material fulfillment, punctuated with fleeting moments of intense satisfaction that has no lasting value. It is “Spirituality” that lends meaning and depth to our being, adds dimension and substance to our life, our journey. It is spirituality that makes life a journey rather than a series of destinations reached without understanding.
Spirituality is what drives a person to seek meaning in life. The word “spirit” in Hebrew means ’breath.’ In other words, spirituality can mean those things that give us life or breath; they are the elements that give us reasons to live, purpose amidst seemingly purposeless events, serenity when chaos reigns around us. Spirituality is what fills the empty void in our lives. Words such as emptiness, loneliness, fear, confusion, abandonment, anger, and hurt are the terms which describe the voids we feel. Our spirituality is what fills these voids.
Embarking on a spiritual journey is best taken with full knowledge of it’s purpose. Only with this knowledge can we allow the Christ force to guide our steps. Without awareness, we walk in darkness and a dream, deceived by false pretenses and flesh driven desires. Know your heart. Know what you truly desire. Know where it is you wish to go at the deepest levels of your being. Know these things, for even now you move to their fruition. If you can combine awareness with the opportunities that present, then–and only then–will life become a series of spiritual journeys, unending and moving into one another, with spiritual growth being produced as you both sow and plant seeds along the way.
There are many ‘religions’ with doctrines and creeds and rules and do’s and don’t’s and a coffer in which you may place your dollars to perpetuate and feed ‘their’ mouths. Personally, I prefer friendships to religions, and personal accountability to the God of my understanding rather than the interpretations of professional religionists. My ‘friends’ give me accountability and challenge me to be a better human being and I can hear them and touch them and my God will most certainly “tell” me when I have wandered off my spiritual path. I do not need a pastor or rabbi or theologian to quote a holy book to let me know I have strayed. The spiritual journey, open to what the spirit would teach, makes “people” an important part of the journey, but does not make an organized religion–with hands out for material things–in any way necessary for growth.
Having said this, there is no disdain for those who chose organized religion. It serves a great social purpose for many, and… God bless them. I hope it gives them what they need. It is, however, not the ’way’ of my spiritual journey. Each of us must find our on way, our own path. None of us has “the answer” for another. We can share ideas, share experiences, share our thoughts and feelings and beliefs… our ’personal’ knowing of OUR existence, and that is all it is… OUR knowing–not the knowing or way for another. We are all connected by a human thread, all seeds planted, but we do not grow in each other’s shadow but rather we grow strong and tall by sharing our light. For all (both still present here on earth and those who have moved on) for all who have shared their light with me, I humbly thank you.
Last comment…you will not get in life what you want; you will get in life what you are. You may attract what you want… but you will not keep it unless your reflection is who you are.
As in, I “want” an honest relationship with people may attract honest people, but if you are dishonest, you will lose that relationship.